Question:
My parents force me to do everything I don’t want to and don’t let me do anything I want. They do not even want to let me do a single that i want, and then they act like they just took a bullet for me. And then they always brag about other people’s success, making me feel like crap. They already made it clear that I will never be the ideal son they wanted. What more can they do? When will they stop dictating what I do? And every time I ask for something, they say they can’t give it to me because they are protecting me from Shaytaan. I know that they are right but I know how to handle some things, and I know not to go down the wrong alley, but they don’t understand that and neither do I believe they will in the next 20 years of my dictated life.
They are forcing me into Alim course and now I will be doing it with no such desire to do it. Had they waited for me to finish my schooling, I would’ve happily and enthusiastically done Alim course. But they don’t want me to that. I really don’t understand the harm in waiting a few years (3 years to be exact), but it’s really pissing me off. I plan to move out and stay somewhere else when I turn 18. But I need money to support myself. So I was thinking about getting a job when I was 16 or 17. But they won’t let me do that either. I really don’t understand why they’re so stubborn or when they will stop.
They crushed my dreams of pursuing any profession at all when they took me out of school. And now they think I have a chance to become a doctor, which I find hilarious because I doubt I’ll even get accepted into any community college at the way my life is going.
What should I do besides making Du’aa and all that other fun stuff?
Oh’ and please don’t take 5 months to reply. My life is on the line here.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Dear Usamah,
I read your email with much interest and decided to answer you personally. It is not possible for me to comment on your wants and your parents wants as I do not know the details of the wants you refer to. However, what is clear and apparent to me is that you have responsible parents who are concerned about your Deen.
They deny you some wants to protect you from Shaytan. They want you to become an Aalim. They are also not opposed to secular education as they state you have a chance to become a doctor. All these issues clearly indicate you have parents who are responsible and are exerting their energies behind your success. Had they been irresponsible, they would never care whatever you do. They would give into your demand of a mobile phone for example and get you entrapped with the fitnah contained in it. That should suit them fine as you get busy and they could be free from exerting themselves behind you. However, they decided to keep you away from wrong engagements and shape your life with proper education and protect you from evil.
You state you know how to handle things. While I appreciate that, we should also appreciate we have our Nafs and Shaytan with us. The Nafs will make us believe we can control ourselves but when the challenge comes, we find ourselves weak and give in to our Nafs. Your parents are adults and are aware of the tricks of the Nafs and the challenges of adolescence. You are too dear and beloved to them to be allowed to listen to your Nafs and Shaytan and be destroyed. Do we not witness the lives of neglected youth around us? Are they not addicted to drugs? Are they not addicted to pornography? Have they not engaged in immoral activities? What guarantee do you have that you would not go down such a narrow path?
Dear Beloved Usamah, you are at an age that your feelings and emotions cloud your rationale. That is besides your rationale not being mature enough to make wise and conclusive decisions. Ask yourself one critical question – Do my parents hate me? In doing so, be objective and honest. Remove all emotions of anger from you to arrive at the correct decision.
You state your parents won’t let you take a job and earn an income. Is this not their love for you? They want to provide for you and keep you free from responsibilities.
Usamah, believe in the love of your parents and know that whatever they do is motivated by their love for you. Yes, they are human beings who are prone to error. You may dislike their attitude and the way they do certain things. However, value their love for you. Is your past situation as a baby and child not a proof of their love for you? Did they abandon you to some welfare organization where you would have been take care of by some missionaries? Did they starve you and not clothe you? How then can you not value your parents or even doubt their love for you. Now that you have an independent brain which was nurtured by your parents, do you feel it is just to use that same brains against your loving parents? You yourself state that you know they are right.
My humble advice to you is calm down. Put emotions aside and consider the advices of your parents in a positive light. Advice from parents are only motivated by love and concern for success. If Allah wants to someone His special and close slave, Allah puts all the systems in place for that. That is not farfetched in your case.
It is my fervent Dua that Allah make you an Aalim of Deen and make you shine for the guidance of the Ummah. There is nothing more superior than that. It will be your good fortune to be that chosen person. Condition your mind for that and work towards that by yourself. You would be spared of the pressure from your parents. You will feel peaceful within yourself and be the coolness of your parents eyes Insha’Allah.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net
PS – Questioners name has been changed to remain anon.
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