Looking for the Perfect Spouse!


I am aware that in Shariah, watchingTV/programmes is forbidden. But today watching has become such a norm, whether it’s sport or business related programmes. It’s everywhere and it’s rare that to find such a home that is not involved in it.

Hence, I feel that concerns arise especially when it comes to seeking a spouse.

1) When one hasn’t been brought up exposed or inclined to TV or photography, how are they required to adapt to someone who is slightly more lenient? And to what extent?

2) If finding someone who abstains completely from TV/Photography becomes almost non existent, what does one do in such a case?

Is one required to settle for such a person or reject? Islamically, to what extent is one required to sacrifice his own islamic morals ?

3) If one seems to be religiously practising, but doesn’t tick all the boxes regarding deeni matters? To reject such a person, is this demanding perfection or merely preferring someone strict?

4) Is there a preffered time istikhara should be performed whilst looking into a potential spouse? Before or after seeing each other?



In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

We observe your focus on seeking a perfect spouse is on a person, who does not watch TV programmes and photography. We agree that TV and photography are prohibited. According to you, if one abstains from TV and photography, he is the perfect spouse.

We understand the mindset of a person who does not watch TV and avoid photography. Whilst we commend the person with such a mindset and hope and make Dua that such a person is blessed with a perfect spouse according to one’s Islamic values, the person should also be alert to some realities of life.

Some people may abstain from TV and photography and practice on what is known as apparent Taqwa. However, they are not nurtured and moulded with characteristics of being a perfect or at least a suitable marriage partner. A person may abstain from TV and photography but have bouts of anger and arrogance. He may be a miserly person and insensitive to many other marriage related issues.

Our advice is a person should not make TV and photography the only criteria to choose a perfect spouse. The character and conduct of the person are also important in the context of a marriage. If one is known to have some degree of Taqwa and piety and is of sound character, that would lead to a stable marriage. Generally, spouses do have influence on each other. If one spouse has a higher degree of Taqwa, that spouse could influence the other if it is done with wisdom and diplomacy. If a spouse has a tendency of seeing TV, for example, but he does have a degree of Taqwa and good conduct, it is possible for the other spouse to use the good conduct of the spouse and wean him/her from watching TV and photography and other shortcomings.

When making a decision for a spouse, make Mashwara (consult) with appropriate people who can offer insight into the persons character and conduct. Also, make Istikhara. This can be done before seeing each other or after seeing each other. If one constantly makes Dua and adopt correct means in choosing a suitable spouse, the person will be guided In Sha Allah.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.



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