His Attitude Towards me is Making me Depressive

Question:

My question is regarding my married life.. Its been two years of my marriage and I recently gained motherhood.. My baby is 20 days old..
My husband from the start of our marriage has been very reserved..he speaks less..he neither listens to my problems nor he shares his..he has been in abroad for the complete one year of our marriage..there were times where he did not use to speak to me on phone for no reason..for him just a message was equal to talking.. His reserved nature never made me to share my problems or thoughts or anything with him..his people say that he is like that..but this attitude hasn’t changed even after I going to abroad and joining him for three months..even after becoming a father..he hasn’t changed a bit..he neither asks anything about baby nor me..his family blames me that I don’t share anything with him but in reality he neither gives me space nor allows me to share anything with him..he just makes fun of me over something or other..
I used be very expressive but his attitude towards me is making me depressive.. He neither provides me for my expenses..neither has bought anything for me..my mother in law is very dominating..she always speaks ill of me in front of him constantly over the phone..she preoccupies his mind with telling things of me which I haven’t done..life is becoming very difficult for me Dear mufti please provide me a Dua or wazifa from your islamic knowledge so that my husband and I share a healthy and loving relationship.. And he becomes a bit soft towards me and we end these gaps between us..
I would be very grateful to you for the help..
Jazakallah khair

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

We take note of the contents of your email.

We commend you on you trying to make the marriage work rather than resort to divorce. We make dua Allah Taala grant you a happy, blissful married life. Ameen.

There are various methods you can adopt to solve your husband’s issues:

• Speak to your husband and open your heart to him.
• Alternatively, express your sentiments to an elderly reputable person who may enjoy some influence over him and thus explain to him kindly.
• Contact a local reliable scholar or the Imam who he could confide in to overcome his difficulty.
• Create an environment which propels everyone to live a life of Allah consciousness. Conduct daily recitation of books such as Fadha`il-e-A`mal of Shaikh Muhammad Zakariya Khandelwi (Rahmatullah ‘Alayh) and of other pious predecessors within the home. You may also switch on speeches of our great Ulema which may help your husband in redirecting his course of life to the pleasure of Allah.
• Encourage your husband to join educational programmes, attend the masjid and spend time with scholars and religious members of the community.
• Express your love to your husband and extend gifts.
• Constantly recite the following Dua for a prosperous marriage;

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

Rabbanā hab lanā min azwājinā wa zhuriyātinā qurrata a’ayun wa ja’alnā lil mutaqīna imāmā

“Oh our lord! Grant us in our spouses and our children the joy of our eyes. Moreover, make us an exemplar of goodness for the God-fearing.”

Most importantly, be positive and optimistic. Allah Ta’āla has granted you the most beautiful asset, the beautiful gift of Imaan. Adopt all possible means to address the issue and also resort to Salatul Hajat and Dua. Allah Ta’āla is capable of doing everything. Nothing is hopeless in the power of Allah Ta’āla. He can change the temperament of your husband and make him the father you always wanted your children to have

You may also listen to a series of talks imparted by my Beloved Teacher Hazrat Mufti Ebrahim Desai D.B on how to deal with marital problems from the ideal woman website. www.idealwoman.org.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.