Question:

Assalamoalaikum. I live in a joint family. I have a son who is 13 years masha ALLAH. My husband is a very good father but sometimes when my son does not go for salat to the masjid as he is playing my husband gets very angry and brings him home hitting and hits and abuses him in front of dada,dadi,chacha ,chachi ,cousins and servants also. Is this right??  Should he not care for his respect and hit him in the room which is on the 1st floor?? Kindly guide as i as a mother feel very bad for my son as he feels very sad. Please kindly respond. Jazak ALLAH.

Answer: 

Wa Alaykumus Salaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh.

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

Alhamdulillah, it is pleasing to note that your husband is a responsible father and nurtures your son with Islamic values. The most important thing in the life of the believer is Salah.[1] According to Shariah, the person is obligated to perform Salah when he attains adulthood. That is when he becomes baalig (physically matured or alternatively when he is fifteen years old according to the lunar calendar). Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) advised:

مُرُوا أَوْلَادَكُمْ بِالصَّلَاةِ وَهُمْ أَبْنَاءُ سَبْعِ سِنِينَ، وَاضْرِبُوهُمْ عَلَيْهَا، وَهُمْ أَبْنَاءُ عَشْرٍ وَفَرِّقُوا بَيْنَهُمْ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ

سنن أبي داود (1/ 133) [2]

 

Translation:

Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and hit them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and separate their beds.

The emphasis on training children for Salah is clear from this Hadith.

Sister, we understand your emotions as a mother. It is natural for you to be hurt when your husband hits your son in front of everyone. The principle of discipline is to achieve the ultimate objective. The purpose of scolding and hitting the child is for him to understand the importance of Salah and inculcate in him the habit of Salah. If the father and mother are on the same wavelength in disciplining the child, that will be most effective. The objective will be realized sooner. You should also advise your son on the importance of Salah.[3] It may be an idea to read one or two Ahadith a day from “Fazail-e-Amal” of Hazrat Shaykh Muhammad Zakariya (Rahimahullah) on the virtures of Salah. When the child understands the importance of Salah, he will now enjoy and look forward to perform Salah. There will be no need to shout or hit the child. You may privately advise your husband to discipline your son in the room and not in front of everyone.[4] The child should not be humiliated. That will lead him to dislike Salah, which is detrimental and counterproductive to nurturing him for Salah.

 

And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

_____________________

 

 [1]  سنن الترمذي ت شاكر (2/ 269)

حَدَّثَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ نَصْرِ بْنِ عَلِيٍّ الجَهْضَمِيُّ قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا سَهْلُ [ص:270] بْنُ حَمَّادٍ قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا هَمَّامٌ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنِي قَتَادَةُ، عَنْ الحَسَنِ، عَنْ حُرَيْثِ بْنِ قَبِيصَةَ، قَالَ: قَدِمْتُ المَدِينَةَ، فَقُلْتُ: اللَّهُمَّ يَسِّرْ لِي جَلِيسًا صَالِحًا، قَالَ فَجَلَسْتُ إِلَى أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، فَقُلْتُ: إِنِّي سَأَلْتُ اللَّهَ أَنْ يَرْزُقَنِي جَلِيسًا صَالِحًا، فَحَدِّثْنِي بِحَدِيثٍ سَمِعْتَهُ مِنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ لَعَلَّ اللَّهَ أَنْ يَنْفَعَنِي بِهِ، فَقَالَ: سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَقُولُ: ” إِنَّ أَوَّلَ مَا يُحَاسَبُ بِهِ العَبْدُ يَوْمَ القِيَامَةِ مِنْ عَمَلِهِ صَلَاتُهُ، فَإِنْ صَلُحَتْ فَقَدْ أَفْلَحَ وَأَنْجَحَ، وَإِنْ فَسَدَتْ فَقَدْ خَابَ وَخَسِرَ، فَإِنْ انْتَقَصَ مِنْ فَرِيضَتِهِ شَيْءٌ، قَالَ الرَّبُّ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ: انْظُرُوا هَلْ لِعَبْدِي مِنْ تَطَوُّعٍ فَيُكَمَّلَ بِهَا مَا انْتَقَصَ مِنَ الفَرِيضَةِ، ثُمَّ يَكُونُ سَائِرُ عَمَلِهِ عَلَى ذَلِكَ “

[2]  سنن أبي داود (1/ 133)

حَدَّثَنَا مُؤَمَّلُ بْنُ هِشَامٍ يَعْنِي الْيَشْكُرِيَّ، حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ، عَنْ سَوَّارٍ أَبِي حَمْزَةَ – قَالَ أَبُو دَاوُدَ: وَهُوَ سَوَّارُ بْنُ دَاوُدَ أَبُو حَمْزَةَ الْمُزَنِيُّ الصَّيْرَفِيُّ – عَنْ عَمْرِو بْنِ شُعَيْبٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ جَدِّهِ، قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «مُرُوا أَوْلَادَكُمْ بِالصَّلَاةِ وَهُمْ أَبْنَاءُ سَبْعِ سِنِينَ، وَاضْرِبُوهُمْ عَلَيْهَا، وَهُمْ أَبْنَاءُ عَشْرٍ وَفَرِّقُوا بَيْنَهُمْ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ

 

[3]  {كُنْتُمْ خَيْرَ أُمَّةٍ أُخْرِجَتْ لِلنَّاسِ تَأْمُرُونَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَتَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمُنْكَرِ وَتُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَلَوْ آمَنَ أَهْلُ الْكِتَابِ لَكَانَ خَيْرًا لَهُمْ مِنْهُمُ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ وَأَكْثَرُهُمُ الْفَاسِقُونَ} [آل عمران: 110]

 

[4]  {ادْعُ إِلَى سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِالْحِكْمَةِ وَالْمَوْعِظَةِ الْحَسَنَةِ وَجَادِلْهُمْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ هُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِمَنْ ضَلَّ عَنْ سَبِيلِهِ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِالْمُهْتَدِينَ} [النحل: 125]

    عن المزني قال الشافعي رحمه الله مَنْ وَعَظَ أَخَاهُ سِرًّا فَقَدْ نَصَحَهُ وَزَانَهُ وَمَنْ وَعَظَهُ عَلانِيَةً فَقَدْ فَضَحَهُ وَخَانَهُ 13854)   حلية الأولياء لأبي نعيم الإمام الشافعي(