Her Husband is Careless


Should the wife apologise to the husband even if she did not do anything wrong & he is putting false accusations on her & her family? He is very controlling & wants her to disrespect her family & always take his side even when he’s being rude & unreasonable. He threatens & bully’s her. He mentally tortures her & uses emotional blackmailing & verbally abuses her. After months of separation He is saying he will only reconcile only if she gives him a sincere apology for hurting him but in reality he has hurt her in every possible way, physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally & spiritually. He is always lying & twisting the truth & keeps bringing up past mistakes to trigger a fight with his wife. Wife fulfils all her duties but he is still not satisfied with her & keeps finding faults to argue about & purposely picks a topic which will cause her to be very upset & raise her voice. He provoked her to get angry & then uses her anger against her & calls her disrespectful & ill mannered. He only cares & talks bout husbands rights to scare her but doesn’t care bout wife’s rights. He does not like spending on her or their child & always claims that he can’t afford anything but buys himself nice expensive stuff. He never gives her money & hides his bank accounts & salary. He works but says he has no money. He does not appreciate wife’s financial contributions instead tells it’s no big deal if wife pays for household expenses or if she spends on him. Wife spent all her savings on husband out of love & sympathy & to be a good wife. Please advise if it’s better to get divorce from such a selfish irresponsible man or keep trying & praying that he will change?
I have been making lots of sincere duas & doing Istikhara but I’m still confused.


In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

We sympathize with you in your unfortunate predicament. We are deeply disturbed by the account of your turbulent marriage and by your husband’s carless attitude and immoral conduct. It is indeed a great misfortune that you are facing such tragic circumstances in your marriage.

May Allah Ta’ala reward you immensely for trying to save the marriage and for enduring great Sabr (patience) throughout these challenging times. May Allah Ta’ala grant you courage to overcome your challenge. Aameen.

If you are unable to make Sabr and stay with your husband and if you feel that you are unable to stay with him any longer, then we advise you consider the intervention of a senior family member or senior person known to you. The local Ulama body may also be consulted. The option of Khula could also be discussed.

The following Dua/Wazifah is effective in overcoming grief:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَالْحَزَنِ وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْجُبْنِ وَالْبُخْلِ وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ غَلَبَةِ الدَّيْنِ وَقَهْرِ الرِّجَالِ[1]

Translation: O Allah, I seek refuge in You from worry and grief, I seek refuge in You from incompetence and laziness, I seek refuge in You from cowardice and miserliness, and I seek in You from being overcome by debt and from being overpowered by (other) men. (Sunan Abi Dawood, 1555)

In the meantime, turn to Allah with Salah-tul-Hajah, Dua, and Zikr.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

سنن أبي داود (2/ 93) [1]  

 حَدَّثَنَا أَحْمَدُ بْنُ عُبَيْدِ الْغُدَانِيُّ، أَخْبَرَنَا غَسَّانُ بْنُ عَوْفٍ، أَخْبَرَنَا الْجُرَيْرِيُّ، عَنْ أَبِي نَضْرَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ الْخُدْرِيِّ، قَالَ: دَخَلَ رَسُولُ صَلَّى عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ذَاتَ يَوْمٍ الْمَسْجِدَ، فَإِذَا هُوَ بِرَجُلٍ مِنَ الْأَنْصَارِ، يُقَالُ لَهُ: أَبُو أُمَامَةَ، فَقَالَ: «يَا أُمَامَةَ، مَا لِي أَرَاكَ جَالِسًا فِي الْمَسْجِدِ فِي غَيْرِ وَقْتِ الصَّلَاةِ؟»، قَالَ: هُمُومٌ لَزِمَتْنِي، وَدُيُونٌ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، قَالَ: «أَفَلَا أُعَلِّمُكَ كَلَامًا إِذَا أَنْتَ قُلْتَهُ أَذْهَبَ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ هَمَّكَ، وَقَضَى عَنْكَ دَيْنَكَ؟»، قَالَ: قُلْتُ: بَلَى، يَا رَسُولَ، قَالَ: ” قُلْ إِذَا أَصْبَحْتَ، وَإِذَا أَمْسَيْتَ: اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَالْحَزَنِ، وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ، وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْجُبْنِ وَالْبُخْلِ، وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ غَلَبَةِ الدَّيْنِ، وَقَهْرِ الرِّجَالِ “، قَالَ: فَفَعَلْتُ ذَلِكَ، فَأَذْهَبَ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ هَمِّي، وَقَضَى عَنِّي دَيْنِي

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