Confused after making Istikharah for a Marriage Proposal

Question:

So I got a marriage proposal from a my cousin’s son and for the past 14 days I’ve been doing istakara. I have been having negative dreams. In the first dream, I’m getting married but I’m unhappy (in the dream I don’t remember who I’m marrying). in the second dream, I find out he (the proposal guy) is a person of bad character. I don’t understand what they mean or what to do? I always have an uneasy feeling. And feel sad, but I don’t want to regret anything. My heart is very confused still. What does this all mean?

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Choosing a partner is a big and important decision. It is half of one’s din so it is understandable that you might be confused by the results of your istikhāra. In addition to istikhāra you also need to make mashwarah (consultation).

There is goodness in whatever Allah decides for us even though it does not seem apparent at the time. Just because an istikhāra comes out good or bad does not mean that other factors should not be considered.

The reality of istikhāra is that it is a duā (supplication) in which we seek khayr (goodness) in our decision. Istikhāra should not be seen as the only deciding factor and one is allowed to, and should consider other aspects as well, like mashwarah.

For example, in the case of marriage one should look at the religion and character of the prospective spouse, their respect for elders, their family, compatibility with each other and so on in addition to performing istikhāra. After all these considerations whatever decision one takes, Insha-Allah, it will be for the best no matter what happens. Sometimes the wisdom of the decision becomes apparent in the dunya and sometimes in the hereafter.

It is a commonly held misconception that performing istikhāra will always result in the right decision becoming apparent, either in a dream or through some other sign. This is not the case. It is not necessary to see a dream after performing istikhāra and neither is it necessary that the choice about which decision to take will become clear. The dreams you saw could be for example, illusions and thoughts [hadith al-nafs], meaning the anxieties you have reflect themselves in your dream or could be real. That is why it is important to consult with experienced people and people who know your prospective spouse very well about his religion, character, etc.

After making istikhāra and taking all other factors into consideration whatever happens will be for the best since this world is a test while the real abode is the hereafter.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best,

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

www.idealwoman.org

[i] استخارة كا مسنون طريقة، مفتي تقي عثماني، ص.٦ و ٩ ميمن إسلامك ببلشرز

بوادر النوادر، ص. ٤٦٣ – ٤٦٥ إدارة إسلاميات لاهور [ii]

أحسن الفتاوى، ٣/ ٤٧٨ – ٤٨٠ [iii]

وربما قدر ما هو خير ويراه شرا نحو قوله تعالى: {وعسى أن تكرهوا شيئا وهو خير لكم} البقرة: ٦١٢ [iv]

عمدة القاري شرح صحيح البخاري ٧/ ٢٢٥ دار إحياء التراث العربي

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