What should I do if my in-laws are backbiting me?

Question:

My mom in law stays with us permanently since the day I got married. The problem is she back bites about my husband and me and so does her daughter about us to her mother on a daily basis on the phone or in our absence and then lies to us that they loves us both. My husband and i caught her many times for this behavior of hers but she hasn’t stopped herself. I beg you to tell me some dua to change this intolerable behavior of my mom in law and sister in law. I and my husband do a lot with my sister in law but still she keeps complaining and backbiting about us. I’m very worried as this situation creates havoc in our day to day lives…kindly help me with some duas.

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

You should try your best to get along with your mother-in-law and sister-in-law by showing good character and observing patience. Eventually, by the will of Allah Ta’āla, this will increase the respect they have for you and will bring them to adopting a kinder attitude towards you restraining them from back-biting as well. Consider the following hadīth:

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رضي الله عنه، أَنَّ رَجُلًا قَالَ: يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ إِنَّ لِي قَرَابَةً أَصِلُهُمْ وَيَقْطَعُونِي، وَأُحْسِنُ إِلَيْهِمْ وَيُسِيئُونَ إِلَيَّ، وَأَحْلُمُ عَنْهُمْ وَيَجْهَلُونَ عَلَيَّ، فَقَالَ: «لَئِنْ كُنْتَ كَمَا قُلْتَ، فَكَأَنَّمَا تُسِفُّهُمُ الْمَلَّ وَلَا يَزَالُ مَعَكَ مِنَ اللهِ ظَهِيرٌ عَلَيْهِمْ مَا دُمْتَ عَلَى ذَلِكَ»

Abu Huraira (radiyallahu anhu) reported that a person said: “Allah’s Messenger, I have relatives with whom I try to have a close relationship, but they sever (this relation). I treat them well, but they treat me ill. I am sweet to them but they are harsh towards me.” Upon this he (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “If it is so as you say, then you in fact throw hot ashes (upon their faces) and there would always remain with you on behalf of Allah an Angel to support you who would keep you dominant over them so long as you adhere to this (path of righteousness).”[1]

Every person has a different nature and temperament. This variation becomes more in broader families and marriages. The only solution for one’s peace when living with people is patience and tolerance.

If one conditions the mind to be patient, over time patience becomes one’s nature and it becomes easy to tolerate people of different temperaments.

We advise you to observe patience and recite the following du’ā:

إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ، اللهُمَّ أْجُرْنِي فِي مُصِيبَتِي، وَأَخْلِفْ لِي خَيْرًا مِنْهَا

Transliteration: Innaa lillaahee wa innaa ilayhi raaji’oon. Allahumma` jurnee fee museebatee wa akhlif lee khairan minhaa

Translation: We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it.

The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said:

مَا مِنْ عَبْدٍ تُصِيبُهُ مُصِيبَةٌ، فَيَقُولُ: إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ، اللهُمَّ أْجُرْنِي فِي مُصِيبَتِي، وَأَخْلِفْ لِي خَيْرًا مِنْهَا، إِلَّا أَجَرَهُ اللهُ فِي مُصِيبَتِهِ، وَأَخْلَفَ لَهُ خَيْرًا مِنْهَا”

If any servant (of Allah) who faces a problem says:” We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it,” ‘ Allah will give him reward for affliction, and would give him something better than it in exchange.[2]

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.


[1] Sahīh Muslim, Chapter: Upholding Ties Of Kinship And The Prohibition Of Severing Them, vol. 4, pg. 1982, Dar Ihyā at-Turāth

[2] Sahīh Muslim, Chapter: What should be said at times of calamity?, vol. 2, pg. 632, Dar Ihyā at-Turāth

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