I have a slight problem. I am meant to marry someone who is acting weird towards me he gets angry over anything I say. I feel he hides things from me when I try confronting him about things he starts arguing with me I just don’t know what to do. I feel so stressed. I don’t no what is wrong with him. He hardly speaks to me keeps things from me i don’t know why he acts weird or what is going on can you advise me anything? Last year some time he drifted away from me as he was involved with wrong things and people. This year he has got in touch with me again. He seemed ok at first but as days go on he gets angry with me. I don’t know what happened to him when he drifted away from me he doesn’t tell me and each time I ask him what happened when he turned his back on me he argues with me. In his head I’m not mature enough to understand him. I’m so confused i can’t get through to him. Please advise me what to do?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
You refer to your problem to be small and slight. Actually you have a major problem and you are trivializing your problem. You state the person you intend marrying;
1. Drifted away from you before,
2. He acts weird to you and gets angry with you,
3. He hides things from you etc.
Marriage is meant to give you peace and comfort. For that, there must be trust between the spouses. There cannot be a successful marriage without respect and trust. If you are already experiencing so much of negativity from the boy before the marriage in which a boy generally tends to be good and project himself to be an angel, what good can you expect of him after marriage?
Sister, the foundation of your relationship with the boy is Haram. Shari’ah strictly prohibits every form of pre marital relationship as it is harmful to one in every way, physically, mentally as well as emotionally. What you are experiencing is the consequences of your Haram relationship with the boy. He is not married to you and you allow him to control your life as he wish?! You should maintain your respect and integrity and sever all ties with him. If he has feelings for you and wish to spend his life with you, he should make a formal proposal to your parents and marry you. At this stage, he could use you and dump you. You should never allow yourself to be used and thrown away like a rag. Know your values and appreciate it. Regard yourself to be precious like a pearl and hide yourself from him. Whoever wants you should search for you and pay the price of respect and honour to have you. This attitude will give you peace and happiness.
And Allah knows best,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai