Advice on troubles of being unmarried

Question:

I am female 40yrs old I have a problem I am unmarried and it has never bothered me at all I understand everything happens when the time is right and that Allah has a plan for each of us but the thing is every one throws it in my face that in still unmarried I have family members that mock and give me names coz I am un married it hurts soo much and now I’m starting to feel very depressed also recently something did not work out in my favor and the boy married someone very educated and now every one throws that In my face that he married a very educated girl etc.

I have accepted that it was not meant for me but these people keep throwing it in my face n at my mum that see what a beautiful wedding they had and she so clever etc I can’t handle this anymore I’m very very depressed please advice.

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

Life is like sailing across the Atlantic; at times one is blessed with warmth, welcoming and smooth conditions and at times, one has to survive cold, dark and bumpy situations.

Difficult and challenging situations are inevitably experienced by everyone at some point in life. These conditions are tests from Allah Ta’ala in order to elevate their status and increase their blessings. By enduring these hardships and having Sabr (patience) and Itisāb (hoping the reward from Allah) one’s sins can be purified and luxurious positions be gained in Jannah.

Rasulullah Sallallahu Alahi WaSallam said,

أَنَّ عَائِشَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا زَوْجَ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَتْ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَا مِنْ مُصِيبَةٍ تُصِيبُ الْمُسْلِمَ إِلَّا كَفَّرَ اللَّهُ بِهَا عَنْهُ حَتَّى الشَّوْكَةِ يُشَاكُهَا(المسلم)

There is no difficulty that happens to a Muslim except that Allah removes a sin because of it even if a thorn pricks him and even to that degree.”(Muslim (5640

Never should one surrender to the challenges of life. The negative attitude of others towards you should be ignored completely. Their lack of understanding and repugnant attitude should not dampen your courage and Tawwakul( reliance) on Allah Ta’ala.

You know your feelings and wants. You cannot simply get married to please people and keep them quiet.

Sister, our advice is for you is that you ponder upon the innumerable bounties of Allah Ta’ala upon you. Think of those who are more disadvantaged than you. How many women are in misery despite being married…would you prefer being single without problems or married with problems? Give thanks to Allah for blessing you with Iman, health a home and a family.

Moreover, implore Allah Ta’ala in Dua to grant you ease and comfort and a pious spouse.

You should recite the following Dua:

إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ، اللهُمَّ أْجُرْنِي فِي مُصِيبَتِي، وَأَخْلِفْ لِي خَيْرًا مِنْهَا

We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it.

Also the following Duas may be recited for attaining a suitable spouse,

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

Our Sustainer, Grant us the coolness of our eyes from our spouses and children, and make us leaders of the pious.” (Qurān 25:74)

 

رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ

O My Rabb! Indeed I am needy of whatever good you bestow on me. (Qurān 28:24)

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

 

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

 

 

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6 Comments

  1. Jazakallah for posting this question. I am also in a similar situation. I am in my late 20s. Insha allah I to will put into practise these beautiful advices. Allah grant us all ease from difficulties, grant us sabr to bear all tests with patience and grant us the best that’s good for us in this world and best in aakirah.
    Remember me in yours duas as well.

  2. Mashaa-Allah such beautiful advice as always. May Allah Grant these Shuyukh lofty ranks in the Hereafter, ameen.
    I pray both you sisters, and anyone in similar conditions finds comfort in their lives and are Granted righteous spouses. Indeed the Shaykh has spoken the truth. I know many who were lucky enough to marry young or in a good age, only to get divorced soon after A’udhubillah. Never lose hope my beloved sisters! Allah’s Rahmah is inconceivable.

  3. Ameen, ameen. Do not lose hope dear sisters, for hope in Allah ta’ala’s mercy is a requirement for the acceptance of duas. May Allah Ta’ala make it easy for you and accept your duas.

  4. Assalamoalaikumwarehmatullahiwabarakaatuhu
    Dear sister i wud like to suggest u to utilze this time in increasing ur imaan n level of deen, remember, tge real motive of life is success in the hereafter, marriage is a part of life, its not the motive of life, have sabr, indeed after hardship there is victory, this difficutime will pass but ur amal wil be preserved for eternity, so make this moment the best in terms of ur aakhirah, n make dua wid yaqeen. Indeed Allah is as his slave expexts of Him. And d most excellent worship is to expect releif after dua.
    Assalamoalaikumwarehmatullahiwabarakaatuhu

  5. From the original question:

    “…recently something did not work out in my favor and the boy married someone very educated and now every one throws that In my face that he married a very educated girl etc.

    I have accepted that it was not meant for me but these people keep throwing it in my face n at my mum that see what a beautiful wedding they had and she so clever etc I can’t handle this anymore I’m very very depressed please advice.”

    As a man, I think women have been horribly misled about the value of being “clever” (i.e. having a piece of paper from a university). Personally, I find university-educated women often have a snooty attitude, and generally find women who haven’t wasted the prime of their life in a college to have more humility (which is more attractive).

    Universities train women in feminism, which screws up women and ruins their marriages (the West embraced feminism decades ago, and just look at the mess that it is in now). Unless a man is for some reason looking to land himself a career-woman (in which case, he’s increasing his chances of marital strife and/or divorce), then there’s no advantage to marrying a woman with a degree, and his wife will simply find it more difficult to submit to his authority as head of the household if she thinks she’s “cleverer” than he is.

    So don’t worry: her education is worth precisely nothing as far as marriage goes. You’ll make just as good a wife as her (if not a better one) without a degree. Chin up.

  6. Marraige is not everything be thankful to Allah Tallah for not giving you bad husbands like other.There is always a reason behind something. Allah knows better.Find a sewing hobby.

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