How to do I deal with my son who has a Christian girlfriend , my son was exposed and brought up in Islam, We as parents did our best and expose them to all the different cultures with the idea they will be able to make the right choice, when it come to the time choosing the partner.The girl is a fantastic person well mannered, but i am unsure if she will become Muslim. On numerous occasions did we speak to our son and his answer is always we will work on it. But I start to get uncomfortable cause time is running out, do we as parents approach them together now or do we still keep on talking to our son. If they decide to get married he stay Muslim and she stay on her side, is that acceptable in Islam? What do I do? please guide me. I became Muslim 31 years ago.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
It is permissible for a Muslim boy to get married to a Christian girl on condition the boy is firm in his Iman and there is no fear of him being influenced by his Christian wife against Islam. It should also be noted that the girl must be a Christian by faith and not only by name.
Getting married to a Christian comes with many challenges. While it is expected of the spouses of different religious backgrounds to be together in almost everything, they would not be together in sharing their religious beliefs which is the core of one’s life. A Muslim husband cannot have any affiliation with Christianity and a Christian wife would not practice Islam.
While we submit to the wisdom of Islam in permitting such a marriage, the expected outcome of the wisdom is the husband influencing his wife into Islam. This depends on the husband’s attitude towards Islam if he is firm in his faith and a practicing Muslim, it is possible that the wife will take positive effect of his Islam. This coupled with his love for her and diplomacy in inviting her to Islam will yield the desired effect. It is hoped that the Christian wife will accept Islam. The opposite is also possible. A Christian wife may observe the weak faith of her Muslim husband and his bad conduct and Allah forbid, resent Islam.
The challenges in such a marriage will intensify when there are children. Both spouses would want to rear their children according to their religious beliefs. Even if the children are sent to Madrassah, the effects of the mother can never be ignored. The child will have some effects of Christianity. That is even more so with close affiliation to Christian grandparents and the broader family. We understand that you accepted Islam, Alhamdulillah. You have the experience of changing religion and all the challenges that come along with that. Consider discussing the issue with your son and alert him of the challenges that may lie ahead.
It may be an idea for you to discuss the issue with the girl and use the opportunity to invite her to Islam. She may identify with you due to your background. Make Dua to Allah to guide you along in this sensitive issue.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.