I fell in love with a man for the first time of my life few years ago and it didnt take too long for us to get physically attached. Soon we realized the horrible mistake we made and planned to get married as soon as possible. I was ready to get married at that time but he was not, so to accelerate the situation, I helped him financialy to complete his study and get a job. Now that he has got work and things are a bit settled, unfortunately he doesnt seem to interested in getting married now.
May be this is a punishment from Allah which I deserve, but I am just feeling that I dont have anymore patience, no energy to go through this. I cant force him if he wants to step back now, what do I do now? I attempted to suicide, but thats even bigger sin and its not the ultimate solution. this is the only sin I have committed in my knowledge that will lead me to jahannam after my death, what can I do? please help me, I am scared if I die today, I am taking this sin with me and cant concentrate in my salah…is there any specific procedure to follow to seek forgiveness to Allah the most merciful and get rid of this sin?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam;
Your sense of guilt for the wrong you have committed is highly commendable. It is your Iman and consciousness of accountability to Allah that is of concern to you. This is Tawfeeq and guidance from Allah. Allah wishes to guide you on the straight path and cleanse you from sins. Thank Allah for that.
The back peddling of the man in reference is the consequence of the Haram relationship. Never expect any good to come out of Haram. You are wise enough to realize that.
If the person has expressed he is not interested in marrying you,that is his choice. There is good hidden in that. Do not grieve upon that. Break all contact with him and make Tauba to Allah. Never lose hope in the mercy and forgiveness of Allah. Allah most loving, caring, kind, tolerant, and most affectionate. Love Him. He will love you. Turn to Him. He will guide you. Praise and fear Allah. He will open doors of ease and comfort for you. Be sincere in your Tawba and never doubt being forgiven. Fulfill all your duties to Allah. Perform your five daily Salaah, recite Quran and Zikr daily.
Be patient until Allah opens the way for you.
And Allah knows best.
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.