Sabr and Anger

Question:

Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) Loves the patient and the ones with good character. But I find difficulty in being patient sometimes. When someone says something offensive, even as an advice, I have a very deep wound. I don’t know how to forgive them.

Does Islam prohibit having self-respect and standing up for yourself? How much patience should we have and until when should we keep control of our tongue? I feel really angry with anyone who upsets me and always have the desire to say something back.

How much Sabr is ideal to have?

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

You are well aware of the virtues of patience and good conduct. You have difficulty in accepting advise from people and feel offended. That is not due to you not having patience. It is due to you not acknowledging and accepting your weaknesses. If you change your mindset and sincerely focus on your weaknesses and shortcomings and look for ways to correct yourself for the pleasure of Allah, you will not get offended. Instead, you will appreciate such advises. When a person is ill and desperately looking for some medication to treat the illness, she will value any information regarding the medication. She knows she is ill and in need to treat herself. She does not get offended with any information related to the medication. She acknowledges her ill health and knows the medication will cure her with the will of Allah.

We all are weak. Allah says:

{وَخُلِقَ الْإِنْسَانُ ضَعِيفًا} [النساء: 28]

Translation: Insaan has been created weak. (An-Nisaa: 28)

We should be striving to spiritually uplift ourselves. We must acknowledge our weakness before we can correct ourselves or be corrected. Our weaknesses are detrimental to our Iman and worst than physical illness. Any good advice given is like medication to cure spiritual sicknesses and get closer to Allah. One will not be offended with information and advice regarding medication as one knows that is beneficial to oneself. Likewise, when advise is given, value it like advice for medication. It will be good for one’s spirituality. Instead of being offended and showing anger at the person that advised you, focus on yourself and correct yourself. The anger shown to a person will not help you in the least bit. It only makes you miserable. If you focus on correcting yourself, you will revive your spirituality and enjoy a close bond with Allah. The issue is not about patience at someone offending you. It is about changing your mindset about yourself.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

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