Cast and Cultural differences in a marriage

Question:

Is there any basis for meman, surtee, Urdu etc. for marriage? Why do people place such importance on that?

To me, finding a good spouse means looking at their piety and morals, seeing if they are generally a good person and on the right track. Why is it that when someone good comes along (and both boy and girl are happy), problems arise with families because we are not from the same “clan”? What if Allah has written for you someone who is not part of the same “clan” as you? How do you now go ahead with your new life knowing people judge you and are unaccepting of you because you are not part of them?

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

There are two consideration s in your query. One is cast and cultural differences and the other is happiness in a marriage which is the cornerstone of a marriage.

When choosing a marriage partner, the aim and objective is to be happy with one’s spouse and be a means of peace for each other. Often diverse backgrounds and cultural differences lead to disputes between the spouses.

While we acknowledge that cast and cultural differences should be tolerated and in an ideal situation, such differences should not lead to an imbalance in a marriage, the unfortunate reality is such differences do create a problem in marriage. At times, it may be between the spouses and at times it could extend beyond that to the broader family. Such differences tend to hamper a happy and successful marriage and thus defeat the purpose of the marriage. It is therefore advisable to marry within your culture or if one decides to marry out of one’s culture, he or she should ensure that the cultural differences will not hamper the spirit of the marriage being peace and harmony.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.