Question:

Do you have a fatwa or guidance on how to pass divorce Iddah? Some ways to deal with the trauma etc.

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

We appreciate your query. We will answer in second person, addressing a woman experiencing trauma during her Iddah.

Marriage is a union of love between spouses. Responsibilities are shared, secrets are shared, and in many cases, children are shared. When a marriage breaks, both spouses are affected, at times one more than the other.

For a woman, Iddah of divorce is one of the most difficult periods that she can and will ever experience in her life. It is natural to experience trauma after a divorce. However, nothing happens without the will of Allah and there is complete wisdom in the will of Allah.

Sister, our advice is that you adopt a positive mentality. We understand that it is difficult to be positive when you are facing emotional hardship, but being positive will get you through your days.

A healthy life can only begin with a correct mindset. You are what you feel.

“Grow through what you go through”

Be grateful for the little things you have no matter how insignificant you might think it is. Think about those who are in a worse position than yourself.

When you are alone, make Wudhu, read two Rakats of Salah and cry to Allah. Pour your heart out to Allah and talk to Him about how you feel. Allah is listening and will definitely improve your situation.

A mother offers a sweet to her child. The child comes towards her crying. She enjoys the feeling of the child begging and so she walks a few steps back while the cry of her child intensifies. The child then runs towards the mother. The mother cannot contain herself any longer. She gives her child the sweet and lovingly embraces him.

In the same manner, Allah Ta’ala wants us to run towards Him, calling Him with desperation and solely relying on Him, crying and crying, until Allah Ta’ala removes every difficulty of ours and replaces it with His favours and blessings.

We advise you to engage yourself in Ibadat and in the recitation of the Quran.

Also, make an abundance of Istighfaar. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) is reported to have said:

من لزم الاستغفار ، جعل الله له من كل ضيق مخرجاً ومن كل هم فرجاً، ورزقه من حيث لا يحتسب

(سنن ابى داود 1873)‏

Translation: If anyone constantly seeks pardon (from Allah), Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress and a relief from every anxiety, and will provide sustenance for him from where he expects not.

Allah has placed you in this situation because He knows that you have the strength and capacity to endure it. You will be rewarded for your struggles. You are stronger than you think.

Allah Ta’ala mentions in the Quran:

وَعَسَى أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ وَعَسَى أَنْ تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ (216)

Translation: Perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.

You may try spending your time in hobbies and activities that interest you, for example, sewing, baking, writing, drawing, painting, art etc. It will help get your mind off things and you will begin to feel better.

You may also consider consulting your medical practitioner for appropriate medication to cope with your emotions. You may also consult a suitable therapist to offer you emotional support.

May Allah make your Iddah easy for you and grant you all the happiness you deserve. Aameen

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Checked and Approved by,

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.