Nurturing a healthy relationship

Question:

I am married for almost a year.  I feel like most of the time my husband doesn’t really love me. He’s never affectionate, or pays attention as I would like him to. I always tell him I love him, as for being intimate I’m always throwing myself at him which makes me mad because I feel like I’m the man having to start everything. What I want is to be swept off my feet. It wouldn’t kill him to say he loves me once in a while, or give me a rose one day. I don’t know what to do. If I talk to him he gets annoyed . I don’t want to say quiet with all these feelings inside me. How can I make our relationship more loving and caring?

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

 Sister in Islam,

We observe that you are married for almost one year. It is normal for couples to experience some turbulence in the beginning of the marriage. This is a time for couples to get used to one another and make adjustments.

You state that your husband does not show love and affection to you; it is natural for a wife to desire the attention of her husband. It is important for you to understand that Allah Ta’ala in his infinite wisdom has created us with different demeanors. It should not be assumed that everyone is on the same “wavelength”. Many individuals do not freely express their inner feelings. This certainly does not mean that such a person does not hold any feelings. Rather, the element of reservation is dominant in them.

We advise that you explore and identify the likes and dislikes of your husband. Observe how he reacts to situations and build on that. From time to time, enquire from him if he is feeling uncomfortable with something you are doing and how he would like you to present yourself. This attitude will prompt him to realize how he should react to you and be sensitive to you. At the same time, approach someone you hold close and trust in to point out areas you need to better yourself in. We as humans have our own deficiencies, which should not be ignored.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.