Hopelessly Tangled

Question:

I have been in a relationship with a guy for 8 months. Recently we broke up, the reason was due to his anger and moods and possessiveness. He used to spy on me wherever I go and check on me whatever I do. I feel I have a right to freedom and I can be with my friends and family without him following me everywhere. We had many fights and he made me cry on many occasions. He has moods swings that scare me. I did Istikhara about my future with him, but I feel confused. He keeps asking me to get back to him. I don’t know what to do. I need an Islamic solution to my problem.

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

When Allah wishes good for a person, Allah guides that person to an Islamic solution. Thank Allah for the guidance by considering the advice’s sincerely to derive the good Allah wishes for you. According to Shari’ah, a premarital relationship is completely Haram. It is important to understand when Allah declares something Haram, there are harms in that which is detrimental for one. Allah loves us and wants to save us from anything harmful. In the relationship with the person in reference, you already are experiencing many emotional pains. You are not the wife of the person. Why should he have such hold over you and your emotions?

Why should he make you cry and why should you submit to his moods? Your pain and emotions is the consequences of you entering into a relationship that is Haram. A female is precious and deserves respect, dignity, and honour. She is not meant to be used by someone as a fiancée or girlfriend to fulfill ones carnal appetite.

Sister, if you respect yourself and give yourself some dignity, you will get that respect. If you do not give yourself respect, do not expect it from anyone. Do the respectable thing and break all contact with the boy. You don’t need to be his prey like vultures prey. Make Taubah from the relationship and do not enter into a Haram relationship again. If someone is interested in marrying you,  let him ask your hand in marriage with dignity and respect. Fear Allah and do what is Islamically correct. The fruits of taqwa are sweet and wholesome.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.