Mother in law vs Wife

Question:

I lived on my own for 2 years and now live with my mum in law as my dad in law passed away.

She is very very controlling and believes that all decisions must be made by her regarding me.

Where we going, She has to give go ahead if I can go home. If I can start a new job etc. I feel so trapped and my husband tells me he can’t not listen to his mother. When at times we make a decision about our lives she screams at him and says he doesn’t take her advice and he gets very sad!

I know we can’t talk about what children do for parents and never compare but my husband has sacrifice a lot, including a job and a home to stay with her.

How do we get her to understanding that we a married couple and need our life and is it right that my husband has to listen to all decisions regarding me from his mother?

Do we have to discuss everything with her, from financial to spending every weekend together to asking permission if I can go see my own parents?

I’m very confused! Lease share some light in this matter

I have a very good husband and he is also stuck in the middle of who to please! Do I just have to sacrifice all the time?

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

Alhamdulillah you are aware of the rights of parents. It is also pleasing to note that you respect your husband for the effort he puts in trying to be a good son.

In principle, it is not necessary for the son to obey everything his mother has to say about his wife. It is also not necessary to discuss all issues with her. However, it is imperative to keep in mind that as a mother she has many expectations from her son. Moreover, she is a widow because of which she feels the need for more attention. Insha Allah, one day you will also be a mother and would have high expectations from your children. Keeping this in mind, perhaps you can understand where she is coming from.

We understand the difficulty you are facing in having to sacrifice for her in many aspects of life. Therefore, we advise that you and your husband present the case to her in the most humble manner and explain to her the difficulty you are facing. Alternatively, you can identify a relative or close friend in whom you can confide. That person could discuss your feelings with your mother in law, also note her response, and advise both accordingly.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.