Q&A Marriage Mail

Question:

I have been married for few years. I have young kids.My husband does not give me any time. And more specifically, does not have want to have intimate relations with me, only once a month in a few months. I approached him on the issue.He always makes excuses. He spends time at the gym, comes home after work and has meals and plays with the kids a little while and then goes off to sleep. So where is my time? I don’t understand whats wrong with him and why he has become like that. He does everything, except giving any time with me. This has been going on for a year. I feel very helpless and need help. Please advise what i should do.

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

We understand your feeling of helplessness and request for help. It is compulsory upon the husband to spend time with his wife as well as give her physical comfort. If both of you cannot address the issue by yourselves, you will have to seek outside help.

The issue in reference is sensitive and private. However, under constraining circumstances, if you are compelled to divulge such information with the intention of Islaah and correcting a wrong, you will be excused. We thus advise you identify a suitable person who is mature and trustworthy to discuss the issue with him/her and canvass an effective way to address the issue with your husband. Your husband needs to be comfortable with the chosen person so that he can explain the difficulty and explore ways to address his difficulty.
It may be an idea to inform your husband that you are frustrated and you will now be seeking outside help. Tell him in doing so; your intention is to help yourself and not to embarrass him. Observe his response and if he has no objection with that, then you should go ahead and seek outside intervention. If he is not comfortable with the idea, that may jolt him to make adjustments in his relationship with you.

In the meanwhile, continue making Dua to Allah  to grant you courage and guide you along.

We make Dua Allah changes the heart and attitude of your husband. Amin.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.