Family Daughter In law – Outside Daughter In law

Question:

I live with my parents in law, but I am not from their family like my sister in laws,so my mother in law prefers them to me. I am doing everything to please them but she treats them better than me, and in case of family matters they dont inform me all their family knows except me .I will be the last to know while hearing from part of their family.They don’t even treat my daughter like their other grandchildren. It hurts me the way they treat me and my husband i can’t tell him because he likes all his family. I need advise how should I deal with this?

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Love is from the heart and behavior is an external conduct. Behavior is also influenced by the love in the heart. While we acknowledge that the behavior of the parents in law should be equal to all their daughters in law, it is possible that the natural love for family members influence their behavior in favor of the daughters in law who are from the family. This is natural and beyond ones control. As such, you should overlook such behavior and tolerate it.

However, if you feel that the negative behavior to you is deliberate, then you should express your concern to your husband and seek his wise counsel. He knows his family better and he will be able to offer you more insight. If there is any degree of unacceptable behavior on the part of his parents and he is fair and just, he would intervene diplomatically and attempt to address the issue to give you the comfort as a wife.

Also do understand that it may not be very easy for your husband to address such a sensitive issue at once. Allow him the grace of time to address the issue at the opportune moment. The focus should be solving the problem in which he too must be comfortable.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

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