A boy and a girl want to get married. Both families are happy except the mother of the boy. She disapproves of the nikah and says she does not want the girl in her home. What should they do?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
The objective of finding a suitable partner in a marriage is to have peace, happiness and tranquility in the marriage.
The parents also wants peace and happiness for their child. If one parent disapproves of the marriage, it could be that he or she knows something that others may not be aware of and that parent fears harm for the child.
The opinion and the blessings of the mother is very important in the marriage of her son. The boy should speak to his and try to ascertain why his mother disapproves of the girl. The mother’s opinion should be treated with utmost respect.
Considering that everyone has the same desire for a successful marriage, we advise the family that they should make Istikharah and seek guidance from Allah. Allah is all knowing. His guidance is the best. Inform the mother that it is best to make Istikarah and seek the guidance of Allah.
The procedure for Istikarah is to make two rakahs of Salah, then glorify Allah and make dua.
The boy should make this dua as follows:
“O Allah, You have power and I have none, and You know and I do not know, and You are the knower of the unseen. If in Your knowledge (mention the name of the girl that is referred to in the question) be good for me with regards to my Diin (religion), my worldly affairs as well as those that relate to my hereafter, then destine her for me; and if someone else is better for me than her with regards to my Diin, my worldly affairs as well as those that relate to my hereafter, then destine her (this other person) for me.”
اللهُمَّ إِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ، وَتَعْلَمُ وَلَا أَعْلَمُ أَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ، فَإِنْ رَأَيْتَ لِي فِي فُلَانَةَ، تُسَمِّيهَا بِاسْمِهَا، خَيْرًا فِي دِينِي وَدُنْيَايَ وَآخِرَتِي، وَإِنْ كَانَ غَيْرُهَا خَيْرًا لِي مِنْهَا فِي دِينِي وَدُنْيَايَ وَآخِرَتِي، فَاقْضِ لِي بِهَا ” أَوْ قَالَ: ” فَاقْدِرْهَا لِي ” مسند أحمد ط الرسالة
(38 / 566-567)
The other members of the family should perform the two rakahs of Salah then after glorifying Allah Ta’ala they should make the dua as follows:
“O Allah, You have power and I have none, and You know and I do not know, and You are the knower of the unseen. If in Your knowledge (mention the name of the girl that is referred to in the question) be good for (Mention the name of the boy) with regards to his Diin (religion), his worldly affairs as well as those that relate to his hereafter, then destine her for him; and if someone else is better for him than her with regards to his Diin, his worldly affairs as well as those that relate to hereafter, then destine her (that is another person) for him.”
Allah Subhana wa Ta’ala knows what lies in the heart of a person. We do not know. If there is no clear indication what you should do then you should repeat the Istikharah.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Checked and Approved
Mufti Ebrahim Desai