Nurturing a healthy relationship


I am married for almost a year.  I feel like most of the time my husband doesn’t really love me. He’s never affectionate, or pays attention as I would like him to. I always tell him I love him, as for being intimate I’m always throwing myself at him which makes me mad because I feel like I’m the man having to start everything. What I want is to be swept off my feet. It wouldn’t kill him to say he loves me once in a while, or give me a rose one day. I don’t know what to do. If I talk to him he gets annoyed . I don’t want to say quiet with all these feelings inside me. How can I make our relationship more loving and caring?


In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

 Sister in Islam,

We observe that you are married for almost one year. It is normal for couples to experience some turbulence in the beginning of the marriage. This is a time for couples to get used to one another and make adjustments.

You state that your husband does not show love and affection to you; it is natural for a wife to desire the attention of her husband. It is important for you to understand that Allah Ta’ala in his infinite wisdom has created us with different demeanors. It should not be assumed that everyone is on the same “wavelength”. Many individuals do not freely express their inner feelings. This certainly does not mean that such a person does not hold any feelings. Rather, the element of reservation is dominant in them.

We advise that you explore and identify the likes and dislikes of your husband. Observe how he reacts to situations and build on that. From time to time, enquire from him if he is feeling uncomfortable with something you are doing and how he would like you to present yourself. This attitude will prompt him to realize how he should react to you and be sensitive to you. At the same time, approach someone you hold close and trust in to point out areas you need to better yourself in. We as humans have our own deficiencies, which should not be ignored.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.


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One Comment

  1. Asalaamualaikum wa rehmatullahi wa barakaatuhu
    i wud like to assure the sister that if her husband isnt expressive it doesnt mean that he dislikes u.
    infact some people have a way of showing affection by providing the needs of the spouse, like keeping cash handy etc. Not expressing verbally.
    also one very imp thing is that pple We liketo talk abt thongs that thatinterest talk abt things that u like to ur husband but talk to him abt his interests….even if u dont know much muchabt abtit u may listen to towht he has to say….often we wehurt pple by not listening to them just becoz we dnt like the topic or it itis not our interest, the other person senses that and feels that my words r unimportant to my spouse n doesnt doesnt feel inclined to talk to that person….. so just sacrifice ur urtopic of conversation with his….pple like talking to good listeners
    also see how he is with his friends….if he doesnt talk much with them n only listens, then he is of the type who dont talk much so accept it n talk abt wht interests him instead.

    Also sometimes work related tension doesnt make the other peraon feel like talking, be understanding that time..

    Also one most imp things is that when he comea from work or u cme from outside be sure to say salam n smile…..altjough this deed seems small but the effect of sunnah are miraculous….. dont leave on it..

    wassalamoalaikum wa rehmatullahi wa barakaatuhu

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