I am a Muslim revert of almost 3 years. I met my husband through the Imam at our local masjid. Initially my husband was very practicing Muslim and thought me much in my early days as a new Muslim. Over the last twelve months things have started to change. He has set up a business and is very busy seven days a week. Things aren’t going well for him in his work. Now he is missing salahs, has started to put work before his duties to Allah Taala, and he seems to me to have lost his fear of Allah Taala…he has admitted such to me recently.
He is starting to take more of an interest in haram and even defends his decisions. My husband is a good man. I think he just got lost. Please advise me how to approach this situation? How can I help him to fear Allah once more and help him to seek Allahs pleasure before seeking material gain in his life?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
Firstly you should understand that Allah has blessed you with the greatest gift of Imaan, and has kept you steadfast on this path of pure guidance for the last three years. This is a sign of Allah Taala’s love for you that, he handpicked you form the millions for his divine guidance.
Marriage is a bond between two people based on love, understanding and compassion. It is important as spouses to understand each other and help one another especially in difficulties and challenging moments. As a wife one of the major roles you have to play is being a means of peace and tranquillity to your husband especially during trying moments. Allah Taala mentions in the Quraan:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
Also among His Aayaat (signs) is that he has created spouses for you from yourselves so that you may find solace with her and he has placed love and mercy between you. There are certainly Aayaat (signs) in this for people how contemplate. [Surah Room-21]
We are sorry to hear about the drastic change in you husbands life. However, you should understand that this world is a testing ground and life has its ups and downs. And the only way we can overcome these challenges is by staying steadfast to the teachings of Allah and his Rasul. Allah Taala mentions in the Quraan:
وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوفْ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الأَمَوَالِ وَالأنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ
And surely We shall try you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and lives and crops; but give glad tidings to the steadfast. [155: Al Baqara]
إِنَّمَا أَمْوَالُكُمْ وَأَوْلَادُكُمْ فِتْنَةٌ وَاللَّهُ عِندَهُ أَجْرٌ عَظِيمٌ
Your riches and your children are but a trial. As for Allah, with Him is a great reward. [15: Taghaabun]
As we can see from the above verses that, your husband is going through a test from Allah in his business. In this critical situation he will be needing all the support you can give him.
The most positive way to address this issue will be by starting Taleem in your house. Read the chapters from the lives of the Ambiya, Sahaba and pious predecessor’s that discuss contentment, sacrifice for the pleasure of Allah and renunciation of the world. Try and play CDs of Ulama and put books that mention virtues of fulfilling the commandments of Allah in places where your husband will see them. Also encourage your husband to affiliate with pious people, this will have an effect on him e.g. scholars, tableegi brothers etc.
You may also discuss this matter with a senior member of your community, for example the Imam through whom you met your husband to advise him improve himself.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.