Is It Natural To Argue With Ones Spouse?

Question:

I got married one year ago but now my wife and I are having arguments and at times we don’t talk although we really love each other.  We both end up crying after the episode is over, please advise us how to overcome this.

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Love is an amazing sensation.  Only one who has tasted love can appreciate this statement.  Love has the potential to make a cold night into a hot summer’s day.  Love has the capacity to make the bitter turn sweet.

The connection between a husband and wife is also an unexplained phenomenon.  The warmth and love between the two can be felt a mile away.  The spouses can almost telepathically sense each other.

The heart of a human is constantly changing.  We are affected by every situation.  Our mind frames are influenced by the most trivial of issues.  A bad day at work can induce an argument.  Bubbling frustration sometimes erupts unintentionally at home.  A spouse’s actions may be translated incorrectly by the other spouse, resulting in a negative response.  Man’s weakness is just so apparent.

One of the most effective solutions to all situations is to simply think for two seconds before doing an action.  Think with a clear mind:

Will this be of benefit?

What will the repercussions of this action be?

Always keep one’s emotions under control.  Allah the Almighty has placed intelligence in the mind and emotions in the heart.  The head rests above the heart.  We need to govern our emotions with the intelligence we have been bestowed with.  Think, think and think!

Despite all the electrifying love flowing between a couple, like all bonds, a marriage can become rusty at times.  It needs to be oiled regularly.  Every marriage has ups and downs.  A marriage has to be maintained and worked upon constantly.  Just like houses are cleaned daily to keep them sparkling and neat, a marriage needs constant attention to keep it sparkling.  One has to have charisma coupled with a sense of diplomacy.

Love and romance for a marriage are like water and sunlight for a plant.  A marriage needs to be soaked in love and romance.  Show your love to your spouse upon leaving and entering your home.  The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would kiss his wife upon departing her company.  Bring a gift for your wife unexpectedly.  Dress for her in what she likes seeing you in.  Take her out somewhere romantic.  Express your love constantly in different phrases, gesture and signals.

Always assess each situation independently.  Do not haste in making judgements.  Keep a cool mind and disposition.  Do not sleep until you and your wife are happy with one another.  Remember to think twice before reacting to anything.  Your spouse is a human; she is prone to mistakes.  Many a time the husband is in error.  We have to be just and fair.  Be man enough to control your emotions and change situations.

Allah shower your marriage with perpetual love and blessings. Amin

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

 

With Compliments~Darul Fiqh

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One Comment

  1. Atiyya

    Salaam. Shukran for the insightful advice.

    I particularly like the part about the head being above the heart & that intelligence should guide our emotions. This is because many a time we are told to think with the head or the heart. As usual Islam provides the best solution by accommodating both. اَلْحَمْدُالَّله . If I may add from experience as a counselor, many a time couples argue because they do not know themselves well enough let alone their spouse.

    It is encouraged that couples agree to disagree and share a common vision to self develop alongside each other. Thus, when one slips up emotionally by acting childish in an argument or saying ‘nothing’ when asked what is wrong when it is obvious that a problem exists, the other will remind of their agreement to be better people. Ultimately both must fully rise to the challenge & fulfill the responsibility of fulfilling their respective roles.
    The man being the ‘captain’ of the ship still requires the wife who is second in command , to understand his course of action & needs her support for the journey of married life in order to stay off the rocks & to keep afloat.

    That said, with the right intention and a planned purposeful action (not reaction) as you rightfully say many an unnecessary argument can be avoided. ﺸﻜﺮ.

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