I gave my husband my email address password, and since then he keeps checking my mail. He checks my inbox, sent items etc.I keep telling him I do not like it, and I feel like my privacy has been breached. When I complain about him intruding on my privacy, he says a wife has no privacy. He gets very upset when I raise my voice out of anger, and I end up being the one hurt from his reactions.
I know that a lot of women have contemporary ways of things that do not go inline with Islam. The biggest problem I face with my husband is that I try so hard to stay away from things he dislikes. I pick him over my parents. When it comes to him though, he hardly ever cares for things I have problems with. His normal excuse is always that I am a woman and he is a man. We are not equal. I have no right to privacy as his wife. He can shout at me and I should just keep quiet but never shout. He is normally sweet, but has a very nasty temper sometimes and makes me feel like an item you buy.
I know a man and woman are not equal, but I do not picture the Prophet acting this way with his wives. Please shed some light on this matter. Do I have any rights regarding privacy?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu `alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
You referred to two issues in your e-mail.
1) Your husband is checking your mail box.
2) His attitude to you.
1) It is important to know the reason why your husband checks your e-mails. Is he doing that just because he has an inquisitive nature or there is a sense of insecurity in him for whatever reason. The basic question to ask yourself is, do you need to hide any information from him and why?
If you do need to do so, you have a right. However, this should not lead to cause harm to you. It appears that your husband wants to have you all by himself. If he does not have access to your e-mail, he would not feel fulfilled. He may not be suspecting you of anything. If you also feel that this is the case and you have no reason to hide anything from him, then tolerate his attitude. The openness will be to your advantage. If you need to conceal anything from him, you can also open another e-mail account and communicate through that. The present situation of hanging up on each other and not talking to each other is very unhealthy. It may lead to further complications.
2) You also referred to your husband’s attitude. A husband should be considerate to his wife and make adjustments accordingly. Being a woman is no reason to be suppressed. You should consider obtaining Islamic literatures and CDs regarding the rights of husband and wife and place it within the reach of your husband. It is possible his sight will fall on that and the literature may be a means of him reforming.
And Allah knows best.
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai