I am married for one year. I have read various ahadith and learned that a man should be kind to his wife and do his best to make her happy. I need to know if I am committing a sin by asking my wife not to stay at her parents home. She visits her parents once in a week and insists to stay there every week for one night (she is not pregnant). She used to visit them even more in the past. I never said that she should not meet them but I only ask her not to stay and let me be in command for when to go as I have to see other factors as well. The maximum time she has been away from her parents is 10 days in the past year. We live in the same city and mobile and internet facilities are available.
We always have an argument after she comes back and she accuses me of considering her a slave by not letting her stay at her parent’s home. Please let me know if I am exceeding my limitations granted to me by Allah or is she asking too much?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
May Allah commend you for writing and seeking advice for your situation especially in light of your young age. When a person defers to Islam to find solutions for the issues he faces, he finds answers that are fair and equitable for all parties concerned.
Since you have been married for just one year, there will naturally be some disagreements. Both of you are still adjusting to a new life together as a married couple. This is a learning process and both of you have to be conscientious of each other’s rights.
At the same time, marriage is not a technical partnership based on just the wife’s rights and the husband’s rights. Marriage is based on love and understanding, give and take in addition to the rights bestowed upon each spouse. If the husband were to just give his wife the rights due to her and nothing else and if the wife likewise did the same and nothing further, it would never be a successful nor a happy marriage.
Consider the sacrifices of a woman when she gets married. She gives up her home and family to move into a new home and new surroundings. She has parents whom she used to see everyday but in light of her new home and new responsibilities she cannot do so anymore. It is her right and prerogative to visit her parents. The fuqaha have stated that it is the right of the wife to visit her parents once a week. [i] [ii] [iii]
While going once a week is her right, she should not spend the night there if there is no legitimate need to do so. Examples of a legitimate need would be her parents being sick or needing her assistance when there is no one else present to help them. She should also take into consideration your feelings and those factors which are related to you such as your workload, days you have more free time, and so on.
We suggest that both of you come to a mutually acceptable conclusion based on the following:
1.) She can visit her home once a week as she has been doing because it is her right.
2.) She should not spend the night there but rather return home as that is your right.
3.) Both of you should consider each other’s feelings and needs by giving in here and there, regarding what day of the week to go, how long to go for and whether or not she should spend the night. An example of this would be to mutually agree for her to spend one or two nights a month that fits your schedule.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
وقيل: لا يمنعها من الخروج إلى الوالدين في كل جمعة مرة، وعليه الفتوى [i]
الفتاوى الهندية، ١/ ٥٥٧ دار الفكر
[ii] يعني لا يمنعها عن زيارة الأبوين في كل جمعة وعن زيارة سائر المحارم في كل سنة
المحيط البرهاني، ٣/ ١٧٠ دار الكتب العلمية
[iii] وقال بعضهم لا يمنع الأبوين من الدخول عليها للزيارة في كل جمعة وإنما يمنعهم عن الكينونة عندها وبه أخذ مشايخنا رحمها الله تعالى وعليه الفتوى
فتاوى قاضيخان، ١١/ ٢٠٩